to grow your freelance business, conquer embarrassment first
All of a sudden you’re nervous, you’re practically sweating. You start thinking, maybe a little bit too hard –– what if this person doesn’t want to hear from me? What if they think I’m desperate for work? Do I sound like I’m bragging in my bio? Will they judge me?
You delete your LinkedIn DM, email, post, rate negotiation, or comment and stop a lead for your freelance business before it even starts.
If you feel held back by the embarrassment or fear of putting yourself out there, you’re not alone
Speaking to freelancers over the years, I’ve been surprised at just how many people had to get over a fear of putting themselves out there.
These hesitancies felt largely absent from the conversation around starting a freelance business. If they were discussed, they always seemed to get similar advice: pragmatic and action-oriented tips about how to pitch or post, cold email templates, and so on. This is all valuable, but for me, it was skipping a step.
When I first started freelancing full-time, I felt embarrassed that I needed work, and the idea of reaching out to colleagues or networking was overwhelming and terrifying.
Speaking to others now, I can see it wasn’t just me.
”I also avoided saying anything on LinkedIn about my business or the fact that I’d even started one for several months,” said Nisha D’Amico, a brand and marketing strategist who works with startup founders and small business owners. “[I didn’t follow up on] requests for work I knew I could do. I’d see someone posting an ask for help with branding or marketing and rather than answering enthusiastically, I’d find a reason why I might not be a good fit.”
This tendency, Nisha says, stopped her from going after opportunities. And, speaking with other freelancers, they affect more than just working up the courage to start marketing on LinkedIn.
Dawn Allcot, a freelance writer who owns Alcott Media and GeekTravelGuide.net, said: “Even after freelancing as long as I have, I’m embarrassed to say I still shy away from rate negotiations and, even more, asking for what I’m worth during an initial conversation.”
Melissa King, a freelance content marketer who serves B2B SaaS brands, faced similar emotional blocks: ”My anxiety around self-promotion and self-advocacy have stopped me from asking for higher rates or marketing myself before.”
The more I dug, the more I realized that something much bigger was at play here than just a little anxiety.
Freelancing requires different emotional skills than salaried work
Putting yourself out there at a salaried job means trusting co-workers, managers, and teammates. Even when going for a big opportunity, you are in a private space with people who are invested in your collective success.
But as a freelancer, it means talking to strangers, being your own manager, and finding your own path when almost anything is on the table. It’s about building the confidence to declare your value in public and convincing people who don’t necessarily care about your professional success to give you a chance.
Unless you’ve run a business before, learning to sail these waters is hard-won knowledge. Not even a salaried job could teach it to you. And that’s on top of the “hard” skills we freelancers also need to learn, like writing contracts and managing invoices.
Seeing the emotional landscape of freelancing as a part of the journey rather than unique personal hurdles makes it easier to be kind to yourself as you grow. And grow, we will.
7 tips on how to get over the fear of embarrassing yourself
1. Realize the worst-case scenario is totally survivable
Sometimes, the big scary leap ahead is only a small jump.
Your mind might exaggerate failure and tell you the worst-case scenario ends with your professional reputation in shambles and your entire industry laughing at you.
The good news is: this will never happen. In fact, I don’t know a single freelance writer who has succumbed to that fate. Shooting a pitch over to a new connection or posting that you’re open for clients on LinkedIn is very unlikely to destroy your career.
In reality, “the worst that anyone can say is no (or no response at all), and that’s really not so bad,” says Nisha. “Once you accept that it’s okay to get a “no” it gets a lot easier, because on the flip side, the best things that could come from it are absolutely worth the effort!”
And if someone is mean, snarky, or puts you down, that reveals their character –– not yours. I once had a pitch rejected by an editor who said it was so boring it put them to sleep. Rather than get upset about their unprofessionalism, I realized I dodged a bullet by not having to work with that editor.
So, if people aren’t kind, remove them from your network or delete their email, and breathe a sigh of relief.
2. Just hit send!
If your fears manifest as over-thinking, a bias towards action is the antidote you need.
”I try not to let perfect be the enemy of good,” explains Melissa. To get content out there on LinkedIn, “I let myself have a point where I just finish the dang post instead of agonizing over it.”
Nisha agrees, saying “The best way I’ve found to overcome these feelings is to take action… All it takes is five seconds of courage to click “Post” on social media, hit submit on a form, or press send on an email.”
Both emphasize that after you put yourself out there, stepping away can do wonders. “Write your post or message, close the window, and don’t linger on it,” advises Melissa. You might even get up from your desk and do something else for a few minutes.
How to work up that five seconds of courage?
Rochi Zalani, a freelancer who works with software companies, suggests a competitive mentality can help.
“Someone out there who’s less or equally talented is getting opportunities just because they didn’t feel embarrassed to post, get on a call, or follow-up with people,” she says. “Think of all the money, excellent colleagues, and life-changing opportunities you’re missing every time the Oof, I’ll make a fool of myself is kicking in.”
My take is that a hard rule can go a long way. Personally, I read an email or message no fewer than two but no more than three times. This ensures I catch my mistakes, but don’t overthink and waste hours on a routine pitch. And if I’m feeling the urge to re-read, I remind myself that this rule exists because no email I’ve written has ever become better after reading it the seventh time.
“Someone out there who's less or equally talented is getting opportunities just because they didn't feel embarrassed to post, get on a call, or follow-up with people…”
3. Assume the best in others
Sometimes, we fear embarrassment because we imagine other people judging us harshly. “When someone doesn’t respond to you (or worse, leaves you on read) it often feels as though they never want to hear from you again,” says Rochi.
If you can relate, try flipping the perspective. How you would feel if your friend posted something thoughtful about their industry or if a former colleague reached out to you out of the blue? You’d probably be supportive, not overly judgemental.
The same holds for others. Many people are not wasting their time holding on to negativity or judging those in their inbox or in their network, just like you aren’t.
There’s even scientific evidence to back this approach up.
In 2018, the CBC interviewed Carnegie Mellon University researcher Li Jiang on embarrassment. “Observers’ judgments of actors are consistently kinder than actors generally expect,” he said. Rather than harshly judging, most of us empathize with others, even when they are doing something that could be embarrassing.
Rochi’s personal experience corroborates this. The idea that people don’t want to hear from you is “absolutely not true, by the way,” she says. “There have been innumerable times that I’ve gotten a reply just because I didn’t hesitate to put myself out there.”
When chasing a dream client, she recounted that “it was the third or fourth reply that got me a response. And the first thing they said? I saw your emails earlier, but kept missing them, then your recent subject line caught my eye. Great work! Thank you for following up!“
If you still find yourself worrying about others’ reactions, “As cliche as it sounds, it’s not about you!” Rochi says. “If someone’s not responding, it’s likely they’re busy or don’t need your services at the moment. It’s still a good idea to put yourself out there and become a friendly name to prospects.”
4. Take baby steps to build confidence
If you are working on getting over your fear of putting yourself out there, small, repeated actions can make initially uncomfortable tasks feel less intimidating over time.
In the UK, the NHS’s advice on facing fears suggests that avoiding our fears can make our negative feelings snowball. But “if instead we gradually expose ourselves to situations we fear, we can start to overcome them and feel more in control.”
For example, if you want to grow a your LinkedIn presence, conventional wisdom says “Post 3x/wk or bust!” Great advice –– for someone who doesn’t struggle to feel comfortable posting.
Instead, to build yourself up, you could start by liking other people’s posts a few times a week. Then add comments to the mix, first on your colleagues’ posts, then on those in your wider network. Next, as you get comfortable, start writing your own posts and sending connection requests.
And when you gear up to take that first big step, “Remember that excitement, anticipation and fear excitement, anticipation and fear manifest physically in the same ways! Racing heart, sweaty palms, butterflies. Your body literally doesn’t know the difference –– it’s all in your mind,” says Dawn. “So, learn to channel that fear into excitement for the future and this new freelance gig!”
Imagine where you will be in six months if you challenge yourself to do just two intimidating things a week, learning new skills along the way. Before you know it you’ll be comfortable posting, pitching, and networking, and on your way to opportunities.
5. Find your freelance community and lean on them
Leaning on your peers is a great way to boost your own confidence and help yourself overcome your fears. “I follow the advice of other freelancers and connect with them,” says Melissa. “It’s a big help to know that yes, other freelancers advocate for themselves, so it’s not too much for me to do it, too.”
If you aren’t sure where to start, networking events, either online or in-person, can be an easy way to break the ice. Everyone is there to make professional connections, and hosts will often offer ice breakers or introductions to get conversation flowing.
You can also reach out to existing contacts, or look for online groups that gear towards your freelancing niche.
I have been helped enormously by my peers in B2B SaaS in Slack groups and on Discord. Early on, I had a client who hadn’t responded to my emails and was at my wits’ end. The advice from a specialized group helped me retain that client and gave me more confidence to navigate client communication in the future.
Dawn also shared that her business has been impacted positively by joining groups: “Once you hear the rates that writers who might have less experience or less prestigious publication credits are quoting, it’s easier to increase rates,” she advises.
Freelance Writing Rate Calculator
Still not sure how to set your freelance writing rates?
6. Adopt an experimental mindset, then lean into what you like
To inject some positivity into your journey, put yourself out there as an experiment to find what works for you.
University of Washington Medicine suggests this open mindset can be the key to unlocking enjoyment. Juan Pablo Zapata, clinical psychology resident in the Department of Psychiatry & Behavioral Sciences at UW School of Medicine, says “Studies suggest that people who engage in a variety of new experiences are more likely to retain positive emotions and minimize negative ones.”
He goes on to detail that doing new things engages a part of the brain that is responsible for responding to new stimuli, which can trigger dopamine, a mood-boosting chemical.
Personally, I ran through a bunch of different posting formats on LinkedIn as I was trying to get comfortable using the platform –– you name it, I gave it a go. It was more fun than following ‘best practices’ blindly, and took the pressure off.
I eventually settled on what felt the most organic for me. If I hadn’t committed to experimenting, I probably wouldn’t like posting on LinkedIn. I would still be feeling awkward and self-conscious, dreading putting everything in bullet points when it felt like an affect and wasn’t fun to write.
So try DMs on LinkedIn and emailing. Make carousels and give text-only posts a try. Negotiate rates over a call or over email. Identifying what you like and what feels authentic to you will work best in the long run, and having an adventurous mindset gives you a leg up to get there.
7. If you’re really struggling, ask for a boost
Most people experience a bumpy road when starting a freelance business, and that comes with normal anxiety and roadblocks. Seeking out help or instruction from others can be a good step to consider if you do feel stuck.
Dawn has approached this from two angles. “I worked with Treasa Edmond of Boss Response. Talking with someone else who is incredibly successful and hearing they also have fears and challenges, along with hearing their tactics for coping with those challenges, is so valuable”, she explains.
“I also invest in a direct sales company. That company provides training and mentoring on mindset, sales techniques, and learning how to hear “no.” Since I joined that business in 2020, my writing business has also doubled revenue,” she says.
That said, some people have more intense experiences of anxiety and fear of embarrassment, which can be harder to navigate. While the suggestions in this article are intended for everyone, if you are having a very hard time, and no tips or advice seem to make a dent, seeking out a coach or health professional might be a good step. There’s absolutely no shame in asking for help.
Build your business by learning new emotional skills
All of the freelancers I spoke to said their business had at least one big win from getting out of their comfort zone and facing their negative feelings.
Melissa: “Putting myself out there has led to some rejections, but it’s also given me so many opportunities. Last year, after being turned down by prospects for months due to my rate, I was finally able to land a client who took my higher rate without question.”
Rochi: “I’ve gotten nearly 50% of my current income from clients to whom I kept pitching, following up, and staying in touch with.”
Nisha: “I [recently] got a client through LinkedIn! My posts about both relevant business topics and personal experiences resonated with someone enough that they decided to reach out to me to help them in their business. This showed me that you never know what piece of content will truly make an impression on someone, enough that they want to talk to you more and even work with you. So the best thing to do is to keep showing up.”
Dawn: “I’ve had one client I’ve worked with for decades and have more or less kept him at the same rate, even as I’ve helped his business grow and my rates have gone up over the years for the most part. After one coaching session, I raised my rates by 33%.”
What I’ve taken from my discussions with freelance colleagues over the years is that when putting yourself out there becomes a comfort zone, your business will improve.
Freelancing comes with so many unforeseen challenges, and the emotional work you have to do is undoubtedly one of them. The good news is that self-promotion, negotiation, pitching, and advocating for your work and your worth is something you can learn and get better at with time. I’ve done it, everyone I talked to for this article has done it, and you can do it too.
If you’re looking to take the next step on your freelancing path, head over to TheMinCave’s job board to find opportunities and flex your new skill.
